You like to know what's going on in the lives of everyone in the galaxy. However, you tend not know know what's going on in your own. If you are lucky, your friends will tell you. Cancerians only get dressed because they have to, and their fashion sense can only be described as "erratic." You are more likely than any other sign in the zodiac (except Pisces, who does not iron) to iron your clothes by sleeping with them sandwiched between the mattress and box-spring. Likewise, you can stretch one pair of underwear out for almost a month. Your home is like your very own Biodome, and you can remain indoors for months at a time. Despite your need to be everyone's savior, you need no social interaction. You will never excel in sports because you have to rest for fifteen minutes every time you breathe. You do not mind, since you plan to conduct your career from the comfort of your own bed. You maintain your questionable health through a steady diet of Ho-Ho's and beer. . People walk on you often. Actually, not often - all the time. If you think someone is screwing you, you're probably right. . Cancerians have minimal influence over their friends, even though they show up with homemade soup to remedy every minor or major tragedy. However, they wield their power through the fact that they know what everyone is thinking at any given time. This is why they are never invited to parties. Cancerians claim to be "tactful". The word for this is actually "shiftless". Cancerians are always appointed to take their drunken, drooling friends home. July is your month, work hard you will be gifted for your loyalty. But stop worrying about your "like" counts. Nobody else cares.
You will grab attention in any way you possibly can. You like to kiss mirrors a lot. . Leos will interrupt conversation to talk, about themselves. All Leos want parades on their birthdays. Leos never marry because no one is good enough for them. If they do marry, they keep their spouses locked under the bathroom sink. They need physical affection at all times; unfortunately, they can't find any because everyone thinks they are irritating punks. Some Leos decide to be homosexual even if they aren't, because they think this gives them shock value. It actually means that neither gender will want to hook up with them. In actuality, anything besides a romantic evening with themselves is considered a step down for the Leo. Leos open doors by screaming at them. They expect their Clappers to applaud when they enter a room. Leos are said to resemble lions. This means that they are loud, have cleft upper lips and slimy noses, and s**t under trees as they walk. They snack on monkeys while watching "Entertainment Tonight". Humility frightens Leos.. Leos like to start fights. They will stomp and bloody each other regardless of whether or not they are in public. In fact, the Leos usually prefer it. You will see these fights taking place at bars, sporting events, concerts, or Taco Bell. Never attempt to argue a point with a Leo, even if wrong they will not end the argument until you say they were right. July is considered a very tough month for Leo's it's horribly hot and the lion does not like the heat. Stay inside where it's cool it will help with that hot temper. Financial situations may heat up as well, do not lend money that you will need later, nor borrow what you can't return.
You are a pain in the ass. You regulate your breathing and color-coordinate the clothes in your closet. No Virgo in history has ever belched. Virgos clean every square inch of everything they own twice daily with a toothbrush. Everything has its place, and yours is on the floor scrubbing with a magnifying glass, checking for germs. Obsessive-compulsive disorder? Perhaps. Virgos use pointers and elaborate charts to describe philosophical concepts. You commit a lot of drive-by shootings. When you are questioned, you tell the police that it was because "the bastard had a filthy car". The police usually let you go because they are Virgos too. It is easy to freak out a Virgo. Tell them they have something between their teeth. Then watch them scrub frantically at the imaginary thing. Virgos are a hell of a lot of fun. Virgos don't see the world in shades of black and white. They see it in shades of clean and dirty. Cat hair makes Virgos foam at the mouth. Virgos are cool because they will do your laundry for you. They'll separate everything by color and fabric until it consists of fourteen loads of three things apiece. Then they will put them in the washer in alphabetical order by name of manufacturer. Virgos are often found opening and shutting the refrigerator door, attempting to trick the light inside. Don't put cheese where it doesn't belong in a Virgo's refrigerator. He or she will go bat shit on your ass. July is a good month for Virgo's to do what they do best REorganize their lives. Love is bouncing around you, take a break and snatch it up. As long as they are clean and tidy life will be good.
You are oh-so-elegant and tasteful to the point of incurring nausea from loved ones. You are also bipolar as hell and can't make a decision on your own. You usually consult your therapist or Facebook. You constantly worry about what other people think. If you really paid any attention, maybe people would like you more. The Libran interest in current events ends with the Twitter. They don't eat fast food or have any clue where their trash goes. . Libras are always on the cutting edge of what the rest of us think is absolute pretentious bulls**t. They have huge collections of CDs they've never even listened to. You are the reason butterfly hairpins and parachute pants have made a comeback. Hanging on to your Winger t-shirt too?? Get a Libra as drunk as possible and he or she will still be able to explain the difference between café latté and café au lait. Don't ask a Libra if the dress makes you look fat, they will tell you yes then tell you about the new 7 day cleanse and raw diet they are on. July is the month Libras excel. Be prepared to hear all about what an amazing, beautiful world they live in as they sit home alone, hunched over a bowl of raw granola. Luck will seem to follow them around every corner. Hopefully they will appreciate it which could be a stretch.
You got into computers early so you could use made-up, bulls**t terminology and get away with it. Most hackers are Scorpios, as are most people who think they're going to find fame on a chat board. You like your coffee straight out of the bag, eaten with a spoon. You may have actually snorted Chock Full o' Nuts at one time in your life. You take your paranoid beatnik approach to life very seriously. Many Scorpios have found ways to successfully smoke in the shower. Your number-one grudge is about never having been abducted by aliens, or being the victim of a government conspiracy. Your master plan for world domination will never work because it involves you at the helm. It is hard for you to accept that Star Trek is fiction, and you are not a Borg leader. It's no wonder that Halloween falls smack in the middle of the Scorpio range. This is the only time of year when fake hauntings, sugar-induced hysteria, and impersonating Freddie Mercury won't get you arrested. Scorpios are often hairy and feel that this makes them more virile. This is especially true of Scorpio women. Scorpios cheat, no more no less. July is a good for Scorpios, the days are longer and sleep isn't necessary . Stay on your toes Scorpio someone is determined to rase havok in your life. Don't let them get the best of you. Remember he who cares less wins. Save your money in July a cool opportunity looks to be coming your way in August.
Sagittarians are born adventurers. They like smashing spiders with their bare hands and trying to walk to the bathroom in the middle of the night with the lights out. They would sooner sustain crippling injury than do anything the easy way. Sagittarians love to entertain their friends, family, and total strangers. Sagittarians are loud and have no social graces. They seek to offend. Animals and small children love Sagittarians. This is unfortunate since adults usually hate them. However, Sagittarians make excellent circus freaks and vagrants. Buttons and bumper stickers with rude sayings on them are a trademark of the Sagittarian. Don't ever bring a Sagittarius home to meet your parents. He or she will tie up your mother and pants your dad. Sagittarian are very creative just ask them. Most musicians, artist and chefs are Sagittarians. They start many projects at one time yet never figure out how to finish any of them. Their minds spin out of control causing them little sleep. July treats Sag's well. Just make your mind up on just one subject and see it through to the end. You will see that it will pay off. Don't set any plans in stone so many invites are coming your way in July. Fun is yours for the taking.
CapricornCapricorns are hardworking, reliable, and dull as hell. They are always on the move, headed to their next delusion of grandeur. They are often good at math which explains why they are such pains in the ass. Most politicians are Capricorns, which is why our country is always in the hole. It is not surprising that politicians need so much security around them all the time. Capricorns are like a strange cross between a Leo and a Virgo. They think that this makes them both charismatic and logical. In reality, it means that they are tight-assed and nitpicky, and have to keep their egos in the backyard. In the event of nuclear war, only cockroaches and Capricorns would find a way to survive. The rest of us just don't want to live in a world like that. Capricorns will give you the shirt off their back then bitch because they now have no shirt. They always go with their gut feeling , never questioning the heart or mind. Capricorns love the summer months so July is a good time for them to spread their wings and fly. Quit wondering if someone is saying negative things about you, you are over thinking it like you always do. Don't be the first one to jump to conclusions as usual you are probably wrong.
The Aquarius loves a party. Anytime, anywhere. Aquarians tend to be nostalgic about the 1960s because that was the last time they could be naked in public and get away with it. Aquarians love to be naked. It is even better if they are naked and drunk. Froot Loops is a very Aquarian cereal. So is Rice Krispies, since it will engage in a friendly chat with the Aquarian as he or she is eating breakfast. Aquarians are the only people in the zodiac who can play volleyball with themselves. And they frequently do. Aquarians use the phrase "Dude, man..." frequently when describing philosophical concepts. Aquarians have out-of-body experiences on a daily basis. Aquarians are fun because they channel people. Plus, if you tell them to, they will run around naked. Aquarians like astronomy because they've been to all those places. If you want to know what the food is like on Saturn, ask an Aquarius. They can also walk on water if they try really really hard. This usually happens in the bathtub. Aquarians hook on to every vice on the planet, and don't think twice about it. That is why they piss everyone else off. They are cosmically entitled to do this. Most rock stars are Aquarians. July is the perfect time for Aquarius's, lack of clothing is not looked at harshly. Every party is awaiting your entrance. Once you arrive the party has begun. Be SAFE don't go overboard. Don't take chances that most would consider insane. You have been luck so far....
Everywhere you go, laughter and comedy ensue. This would be great if you were trying to be funny. You are deeply confused by the idea of sex. Piscean women wear long floaty dresses and enormous amounts of unusual silver jewelry. Pisceans claim to love the stars, but the only constellation they can find is the Big Dipper. You remember what you were wearing on March 3rd, 1981 but forget your own address. You have no sense of direction. The people you find going in reverse at 70 m.p.h. on the expressway are usually Pisces. Pisces are most likely to die by falling out of a window or getting run over by a truck. Don't be fooled, however; many Pisceans can surprise you by kicking your ass and the asses of your four imaginary friends. Pisceans claim to want "honest criticism" of their work. Then they commit hara-kiri on the floor when you say you don't like it. Pisceans do whatever the hell they want when they want. July is not the month for Pisces to commit to anything, stay loose and fancy free. You have plenty of time to make a smart choice later. Don't be fooled by pretty eyes, by mid month the devil herself may come knocking. Do not answer in fact RUN.
Aries have ramlike eyebrows and smug expressions. They should not be quite so smug because they are constantly clunking themselves in the skull. Aries say one thing and do another. They usually do the wrong thing and don't discuss it. Never point this out to an Aries unless you want your kidneys pulled out through your sinuses. Aries love to laugh at the funny moon-people who suck their thumbs at age 35. Whether you live in a palatial estate or a cardboard tepee, you will insist until death that it is exactly what you always wanted. The Aries makes life decisions as a toddler. Aries marry several times for funnies but never divorce. Their spouses have many freak accidents resulting in death or crippling injury. Being infallible,. People run away when an Aries comes around. They know that if they do not, the Aries will set them on fire. In fact, much to your dismay, you are the biggest pricks in the zodiac. Your rams' horns are in everyone else's asses. Aries are usually number people. Working in banks and financing. Not known to be the most creative. Aries will offer help quickly but will throw it up in your face just as quick. July is your month Aries stay grounded yet available to jump. Don't let anyone talk you out of what you really want to do. Try something outside the box, you may just dig it.
You are brooding emotion incarnate. One minute you're up, the next you're down, the next you've shot your favorite drummer in the kneecaps, "just 'cuz.". You're very earthy, which may mean that you don't shower as often as most people. Or it may just mean that you like to roll around with your nose in clover and sigh. Taureans love happy movies where everyone is jolly and having fun, but they fight with waiters and get upset with billboards. The Taurus is a strange bird because he or she holds grudges about things that never actually happened. You are generally tough to figure out because you answer every question with a question. Also, you won't come out from under the bed. Most Taureans love conflict. If nothing is wrong, then that in itself is something wrong. Some especially like bar fights. If they can't get into an actual bar fight, they will make up interesting stories about them which they will tell their friends. You feel that you are going nowhere in life. Taureans are impatient and pushy. They are in a tremendous hurry to get nowhere. July is Taurus's month to SLOW DOWN, stop jumping so quickly. You are very likely to piss someone off and not intend to. Trouble is always looking for someone to hang out with, be smart walk the other way.
Everyone loves a Gemini because everyone loves a freak. You are progressive, outgoing, and love to bicker. Geminis drive funny cars. They often drive them into trees or buildings. Geminis are pushy and overbearing. They pick fights with small children and people at weddings. Geminis vandalize their own houses. Geminis are always on some sort of medication. This medication is not always legal. Gemini is Latin for "I'm okay, I'm okay." Geminis speak very loudly in order to be heard. This is unfortunate as they are nearly always talking to themselves. In fact, they often pick animated arguments with themselves. Geminis are frequently abidextrous, which means that they can pick both sides of their noses at the same time. Gemini's are happy being alone. Never start a conversation about politics with a Gemini, you will never win the battle. Gemini's fight to the end when they feel they are right. July is an awesome time for Gemini's to get outside and get some fresh air. It's a stretch since Gemini's stay inside 90% of the time. Time to lighten up and have some fun. You can't travel your lifes journey behind the computer.
JULY IS THE PERFECT TIME FOR EVERYONE TO TAKE A MOMENT AND APPRECIATE ALL THE AMAZING THINGS IN YOUR LIFE. TAKE LIFE BY THE BALLS AND LIVE IT. UNTIL NEXT MONTH..PEACE, LOVE AND ROCK N ROLL..